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Michelle Obama: First Lady or Worst Lady? – A Comparison of America’s Most Recent First Ladies

Posted by Scott Rohter on Saturday, October 20, 2012


First Lady or Worst Lady ?

A Comparison of America’s Most Recent First Ladies

By Scott Rohter, September 2012


It is customary for the wives of American Presidents to become involved with some very worthy National cause during their years at the White House and in the public spotlight. They usually become a tireless advocate for some worthwhile endeavor while their husband is busy managing the more complicated affairs of State. In the case of Bill and Hillary Clinton, Bill was managing his more complicated personal affairs in the Oval Office while Hillary was busy promoting Nationalized Health Care and raising their daughter Chelsea.

While Bill was cavorting around the White House looking for a young, star struck intern to impress, Hillary was busy raising their daughter and calling attention to her special cause which was National Health Care. Every evening when her work was done she waited back at the White House for our Nation’s “first Black President” to come home after a long, hard day at the Oval Office. What she didn’t realize was just how long and hard his affairs at the Oval office really were!  Hillary remained focused on her two causes… raising their daughter and promoting her vision of National Health Care, while Bill remained at the “Oval Orifice” late at night concentrating on being the very lost cause he was, and still is!

Our next First Lady was Laura Bush. While many people didn’t like her husband very much, no one ever seemed to have a bad word to say about Laura. She epitomized grace and Southern hospitality. She made a fine First Lady and “ambassador at large” for her husband and for our country. Her special cause was “reading literacy”. That was the perfect cause for this former librarian from Texas. There is not much else to say about her time spent in the public spotlight. Her years together in the White House with George Bush were marked by no public scandals such as highlighted the Clinton years.

President Jimmy Carter’s wife was Rosalynn. Her full name was Eleanor Rosalynn Smith Carter. She was another example of Southern charm and hospitality that graced our Nation’s highest office, and she really did grace the Nation’s highest office too because Jimmy Carter frequently had her at his side during his most important public meetings with key policy advisors. I never cared very much for the anti-Semitic Jimmy Carter from Georgia, but I never had an unkind word to say about his wife Rosalynn. Most Americans felt the same way that I did regardless of their political affiliation. Her special cause during her tenure at the White House was in the field of mental health research. That is what she advocated tirelessly for during the time she spent in the public spotlight. She was also the President’s special envoy to Latin America, and she assisted him in helping find new homes for Cambodian and Laotian refugee children.

Nancy Reagan was the dearly beloved second wife of our Nation’s highly admired 40th President, Ronald Reagan.  She will always be remembered for her special cause which was discouraging the use of illegal recreational drugs. Her worthwhile efforts will always be immortalized in the famous words, “Just Say No” (to drugs)!

Michele Obama’s favorite cause is obesity, not that she is overweight herself. She just wants to end obesity in America and she isn’t kidding! She has already managed to get fast food restaurants to limit the size of their meals and to list the caloric intake of every item on their menus. She talks about Seven-Eleven Stores as if they are some kind of an inner city food desert. That’s desert, not dessert. She is always worrying about how many Big Macs someone else is putting in their mouths. Isn’t that their own business?  She is concerned that we are using too much salt and sugar on our food. With all due respect Mrs. Obama, “That is our own damned business, not yours!

We are all such bad little boys and girls! Now look how much food we are putting on our plates. Do we really need that second helping? Ask Michelle. What does Michelle say? She will tell us. Mama Obama knows what is best for us. You can’t have that 32 ounce Pepsi with 16 grams of sugar anymore,… or that Pizza loaded down with empty calories! It isn’t good for you! Mama Obama knows what’s best. There is an epidemic of obesity in America and Michelle is going to wipe it out single-handedly if she has to. It is her special cause. Pay no attention to what she does or what she is eating. Just mind your own peas and cues if you know what I mean.. literally.

Of course she can still have that 32 ounce Big Slurpee at the local Seven-Eleven fast food desert. She can still scarf down an entire 16 piece bucket of the Colonel’s Kentucky Fried Chicken if she wants to, but as for the rest of us… God help us if we do! The National Caloric Police will be at our front door with their caloric counters ready to check, or we may have the Sugar and Spice Police sent to our homes to monitor us while we prepare dinner. Don’t even think of eating that large bag of French fries you bought at  McDonalds. It is totally out of the question!

In France Marie Antoinette once said, “Let them eat cake!” In America Michelle Obama now says that we can’t have cake because it is too high in empty calories and it is loaded down with unnecessarily high levels of sugar. That’s the kind of stuff that they sell in those fast food convenience deserts. We can have bread, but it is bread without sugar in it… un-leavened bread like Matzoh, “the bread of our current affliction”.  Just as long as it’s not that pasty white bread which is loaded with sugar.

Michelle’s new slogan is, “No more pasty white bread for pasty white people.”  As soon as she is done single-handedly polishing off her next bucket of “finger-lickin, lip-smackin good” Kentucky fried chicken she is going to go back outside and pose for a picture in the White House garden right next to the organic snap peas. Furthermore… Michelle has never felt better or been more proud of her country in her entire life!

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3 Responses to “Michelle Obama: First Lady or Worst Lady? – A Comparison of America’s Most Recent First LadiesComment RSS feed

  • Heather Wright
    October 20th, 2012 8:53 pm

    How is “Just say no” to drugs different then “just say no” to sugar & high fat? Both are attempts to tell us what to do with our own lives & bodies. So are anti abortion laws. Either you’re for government interventions or you aren’t. It’s hypocritical to say that interventions proposed by the “right” are ok, just not those proposed by the “left”

    • Scott Rohter
      October 22nd, 2012 12:37 am
      Author's Reply

      I havent the faintest idea what the heck you are talking about Heather….Nancy Reagan only ASKED us to say NO!(to drugs).. Michelle Obama isnt ASKING us to say no to anything!..In fact Michelle Obama isnt ASKING at all. SHE IS TELLING US THAT WE CAN’T HAVE SUGAR OR SALT OR french fries OR BIG MACS OR 32oz Pepsis and on and on and on….Don’t you see the difference?…AND OH BTW THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ABOTRION RIGHTS…THAT IS CALLED MURDER IN MY BIBLE AND THERE IS NO RIGHT TO KILL LITTLE UNBORN BABIES.

  • JR_1020
    October 26th, 2012 4:14 am

    I agree with most of this with one caveat- please make sure you check your math before you publish or you may sound a little silly.
    A 12 ounce pepsi has around 40 grams of sugar- 10 teaspoons.
    A 32 ouncer would have 106 grams of sugar and- 26 teaspoons.

    Not that I am agreeing with her stance on controlling people, just get your math right it’s WAY off base.