What Happens when Washington Gets Inside of Your Bathroom
By Scott Rohter, December 2014
Recently I bought a new toilet. It wasn’t fancy… It was just a basic crapper with a 2 inch drain valve and a 2 and 1/8 inch trap way. It barely delivered a half gallon of water to flush the contents of the toilet bowl down the drain… just a half gallon. That’s because the United States government is following the mandates of the United Nations and it wants all of us to use a lot less water to flush our poop down the drain. Pardon my pun but our government doesn’t want us to waste water on wastewater. Not only has our telephone and internet communications fallen under government surveillance, but our poop has too. In fact both “Number One” and “Number Two” have fallen under official government guidelines. That’s because we have to make room for another seven billion people on the planet.
Of course the first time I went to use my new potty it got plugged so I promptly unhooked the worthless POS and purchased the very best commode that money can buy. The salesman told me that it was the top of the line model, and short of buying a pressure assisted toilet which sounds like a small bomb exploding in your bathroom every time you press the trip lever you can’t buy a better toilet no matter how much money you spend. Since I didn’t want my bathroom to sound like downtown Baghdad during the American invasion every time I used it I took a pass on one of those models and settled for the quieter one… and satisfied that I had done everything I could to make my doo doo go bye bye I took my new toilet home and installed it…
This toilet comes with a big 4 inch drain valve instead of the normal 2 inch drain valve that comes standard with most toilets. I guess that means that my stool is “abnormal”. That feature doubles the amount of water that can be used to flush the toilet or so it claims. While it can be used all of the water inside of the tank isn’t used… Nope. The flapper on the drain valve hits the seal at the bottom of the tank long before all the water in the tank goes down the drain. This leaves a large amount of water still inside of the tank that is never used. That is because the flapper doesn’t float on the water like other flappers do. They have designed it in such a way (thanks to the government) that you can’t even use all of the water that’s available in the tank. There is a large amount of water that just remains there. I bet that pleases the higher ups over at the United Nations.
The model I purchased has a 2 and 3/8 inch trapway instead of the usual 2 and 1/8 inch trap way which comes standard on most toilets. Again that implies that there must be something unusual about my poop. The extra ¼ of an inch makes all the difference in the world though. It means the difference between having to plunge the toilet every time you use it and not having to plunge the toilet. That is the largest trap way made in America for all of us Americans who happen to have bigger than usual intestines and larger than normal bowel movements, but… and this is a very important butt… one second is all the time the United States Federal Government allows a toilet to use its miniscule 1.28 gallons of water to legally remove all the contents of your toilet bowl out of your sight… and as they say “Out of sight is out of mind.”
Oh how I wish we could go back to the old days when a good toilet used a full three gallons of water to flush the bowl and you didn’t have to always reach for the plunger every time you used it. Now it’s getting to be a very familiar routine. You conduct your business. Then you push the trip lever and immediately reach for the plunger because the government which doesn’t know how to build toilets and has never built a single toilet in its life is telling those who do know how to make toilets how to make them more efficient. That doesn’t go to improving the operations and the efficient performance of millions of American bathrooms, and it really doesn’t help to conserve water either.
If it takes two or three times to flush the toilet in order to clear the bowl using 1.6 gallons of water per flush then it is actually wasting more water than the old toilets did which consumed three gallons of water per flush but accomplished the same thing with a single flush. Of course it takes a rocket scientist to figure that out which is why our government overseers don’t know that.
This is just another reason why we should not send any more Democrats to Washington. I hope this is clear enough for all of you big lovers of big government. That is why it is so important for members of all three branches of government to follow the Constitution which they swore to uphold.
Finally and you will love this… there is just one more thing I would like you to think about The biggest single generator of crap in the whole country is the Federal government in Washington D.C. With all of its agencies and bureaucracies they flush more poop down the toilet in a single day than anyone else, but the right way to cut down on this kind of government waste and conserve water on Capitol Hill is not to make toilets more efficient. It is to get rid of hundreds of thousands of unnecessary government jobs.
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